Marriage and Communication Tips for Deployed Soldiers

In today’s post I’m going to share some marriage and communication tips for deployed Soldiers. These are some suggestions you can follow to stay in touch with your husband, wife or significant other while you are deployed, so you can keep you relationship healthy and strong.  While I’m not a marriage counselor, I have deployed twice, and I think my real world experience can help. Let’s get started.

# 1 Communicate Daily – No matter where you deploy, you will have access to technology.  Even in combat zones, most Soldiers have internet access in the barracks!  Therefore, you have NO EXCUSE not to communicate with your spouse or significant other every single day.  Try to set aside a set time every day where the two of you can chat on the phone or by email, even if it’s just for a few minutes.  This will give both of you something to look forward to each day.

# 2 The Call-Email-Mail Method – When I was deployed to Kosovo this is the strategy I did every day and it made a world of difference.  Make a commitment to call, email and write a personalized letter to your significant other every single day.  It doesn’t take much time and it will help form a strong connection between you and your spouse.  I remember how much my wife enjoyed getting the letters in the mail every day.  She also liked the emails and and phone calls.

# 3 Send Gifts – Gifts are a great way to connect with your spouse or significant other, and make them feel loved.  They don’t have to be expensive either.  You can send flowers, teddy bears, candies, jewelry, books, cosmetics, or a variety of other things.  Try to send 1-2 small gifts every month.  It doesn’t have to break the bank!  Even the little things count. You can buy things online and have it shipped easily.

# 4 Keep a Journal – Keep a journal about your day-to-day life.  You can share this with your spouse when you return home.  Write about how much you miss your spouse, what you are feeling, what you are going through, etc.

# 5 Court Your Spouse – Do you remember when you were dating your spouse?  Do you remember how you courted him or her an did all the little things?  Now is a good time to do that again.  Tell your spouse how much you love them and miss them whenever you talk.  Tell them what you miss most about them.  Tell them why you think they are so wonderful.  Tell them you appreciate them.  Show them that you love them.

# 6 SKYPE– SKYPE is your friend.  I wish I would have had SKYPE when I deployed.  I can’t think of a better way to stay in touch and to keep your relationship strong while you are away.  SKYPE lets you see your spouse while you talk.  It’s really awesome.

Final Thoughts

Being away from your spouse during a deployment is tough for both of you.  It’s up to you (the deployed Soldier) to come up with a simple game plan to stay in touch on a regular basis.  Frequent communication is very important.  Don’t go long periods of time without talking to your spouse.  Leverage technology, do the little things, and stay in touch often.  It will make a big difference in your relationship.

What are your thoughts?  What did you do to communicate with your spouse while deployed?  What are your best marriage and communication tips for deployed Soldiers?  Leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

10 thoughts on “Marriage and Communication Tips for Deployed Soldiers”

  1. With today’s technology, there is no excuse not to stay in touch with your mate on a daily basis.

    As a military brat who watched how deployment can cause mistrust and later a divorce, I feel that military personnel need to fight a little harder to save their marriages.

    I am happy that the military has stepped up in bigger ways to help marriages. It can be difficult having a loved one so far away for months at a time. Whichever end you are on, do yourself a favor and make it a daily mission to contact your spouse, and children. They need to hear from you daily.

  2. Theresa Williams

    My husband and I have not faced a deployment or even him going to training for months at a time but these would make me feel loved, intimate, and like I’m still part of the game and his life even right now (well, not skype obviously, as it would be unnecessary). I have a journal of letters I write my husband occasionally. I started it when we began dating and it’s just my thoughts, what I was going through, what he means to me. He loves it. I still have all the emails we wrote each other while we were dating and engaged and lived about 8 hours apart. These are great suggestions also because they hit every type of love language so you can’t miss!

  3. I grew up in a military community in South Korea and there were so many soldiers who had families, but were there on assignment by themselves. Assignments generally ranged from six to twelve months. It doesn’t seem particularly long, but when you add in the distance (5000+ miles), 6-12 months can seem like an eternity. That’s why it’s so crucial for deployed soldiers to stay in as close of contact as possible with their family/spouse/friends back home. Leveraging technology is the best advice you can give about this issue. There are so many options, and they are all very convenient and time efficient. And a handwritten sentiment every now and then doesn’t hurt, either! Show your family how much you care about them, even when deployed half way around the world.

  4. While technology – including video chat, email and written chat – does allow regular, fast communication with your significant other when you’re deployed, it also seems to have the same effect on everyone, soldier and civilian alike, in that it makes for loose lips. Deployed soldiers feel sort of anonymous when typing on a computer screen, and it’s way too easy to let slip a secret location or mission date. I think everywhere a deployment site has computer communications available, even in the barracks, there should be signs posted EVERYWHERE about keeping your mouth shut about stuff that shouldn’t be shared.

  5. I was just recently away for two months (school, not deployment) and I can't reiterate how much Skype has changed the landscape. My first deployment many years ago involved rare phone calls and going to a bustling tent for an occasional email.

    A current day soldier at most locations should keep in contact as much as possible. Skype often, as seeing your family is quite different than talking to them.

    Also, write home frequently. I still have my letters from Basic Training and my deployments and they have a power that a phone call or an email won't hold years later. On this most recent trip I was able to send my daughter post cards that I hope she'll hold on to and be able to look back on fondly some day.

    1. SKYPE has definitely changed the game. I still have my letters from my deployment and my letters from Basic Training. They are definitely much more personal than any other type of communication.

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