Top 60 Army Leadership Jokes

In today’s post, I’d like to share the top 50 Army Leadership Jokes. I’ve picked different jokes for different ranks and leadership positions in the Army. These are jokes I found while searching online, compiled into one place just for you!

Some of these jokes are lame. Others are good. Whatever you do, don’t take any of them personally. These jokes are based on different leadership positions and ranks. If that is your rank, just roll with it. Just laugh at yourself and keep one or two of these in the back of your mind, in case you’re ever asked to share a good joke.

And keep in mind, I’m not a comedian, but I gave it my best shot!

Top 50 Army Leadership Jokes

Jokes About Lieutenants

  1. Why did the army lieutenant bring a ladder to the battlefield? Because he heard the rank above him was “higher ground”!
  2. How many lieutenants does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but he’ll need a full briefing, a safety assessment, and a backup plan in case of power outage!
  3. Why was the lieutenant always carrying a map? Because he heard that’s where all the good “directions” are!
  4. How does an army lieutenant make tea? By calling a staff meeting and delegating the task to a private!
  5. Why did the lieutenant bring a beach chair to the combat zone? In case he needed to “lounge in command”!
  6. How does a lieutenant make decisions? By asking for input from the sergeant, the corporal, and then Googling the answer!
  7. Why did the lieutenant wear camouflage to the office? Because he heard it helps him blend in with all the paperwork!
  8. How does an army lieutenant catch a rabbit? By drafting an operational plan and conducting a thorough reconnaissance of the area!
  9. Why was the lieutenant always carrying a clipboard? Because he heard it gives him “authority”!
  10. How does a lieutenant lead a squad? By setting the pace, leading from the front, and occasionally getting lost along the way!

Jokes About Army Officers

  1. Why did the army officer bring a GPS to the briefing? To navigate through all the “directions” from higher command!
  2. How many army officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’ll just delegate the task to the enlisted personnel!
  3. Why did the army officer bring a ladder to the office? Because he heard promotions were “higher up”!
  4. How does an army officer solve a problem? By calling a meeting, forming a committee, and then blaming the sergeant when it goes wrong!
  5. Why was the army officer always carrying a clipboard? Because he heard it gave him “authority”!
  6. How does an army officer make tea? By giving the order to the private and then taking all the credit!
  7. Why did the army officer bring a calculator to the battlefield? To tally up the casualties… and the promotions!
  8. How does an army officer pass the time during downtime? By practicing their salute in the mirror!
  9. Why was the army officer always carrying a briefcase? Because he heard it made him look “official”!
  10. How does an army officer lead a platoon? By shouting orders, pointing at maps, and occasionally getting lost in their own plans!

Jokes About the First Sergeant

  1. Why did the first sergeant bring a ruler to work? To measure up to his own high standards… and to make sure everyone else does too!
  2. How many first sergeants does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but he’ll have the whole platoon do push-ups if it’s not done right!
  3. Why did the first sergeant bring a megaphone to the field? To ensure his voice could be heard over the sound of his own shouting!
  4. How does a first sergeant take his coffee? With a “latte” discipline and a “frappe” attitude!
  5. Why did the first sergeant bring a whistle to the office? To keep everyone in line… or just to annoy them!
  6. How does a first sergeant motivate his troops? With a combination of fear, respect, and the occasional threat of extra duty!
  7. Why was the first sergeant always carrying a clipboard? Because he heard it gave him “authority”!
  8. How does a first sergeant handle complaints? By telling the soldiers to “suck it up” and then reminding them that it could always be worse!
  9. Why did the first sergeant bring a map to the meeting? To navigate through all the “directions” from higher command!
  10. How does a first sergeant lead from the front? By setting the example, inspiring his troops, and occasionally getting caught up in his own enthusiasm!

Jokes About Army NCOs

  1. Why did the NCO bring a watch to work? To make sure everyone was on “military time”!
  2. How many NCOs does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’ll just yell at it until it learns to do it by itself!
  3. Why did the NCO bring a megaphone to the field? To ensure his voice could be heard over the sound of his own shouting!
  4. How does an NCO take his coffee? With a “strong” sense of duty and a “disciplined” approach to caffeine!
  5. Why did the NCO bring a ruler to the office? To measure up to his own high standards… and to make sure everyone else does too!
  6. How does an NCO motivate his troops? With a combination of tough love, encouragement, and the occasional threat of extra duty!
  7. Why was the NCO always carrying a clipboard? Because he heard it gave him “authority”!
  8. How does an NCO handle complaints? By telling the soldiers to “embrace the suck” and then reminding them that it could always be worse!
  9. Why did the NCO bring a map to the briefing? To navigate through all the “directions” from higher command!
  10. How does an NCO lead from the front? By setting the example, mentoring his troops, and occasionally getting caught up in his own enthusiasm!

Jokes About General Officers

  1. Why did the general bring a compass to the meeting? To navigate through all the “directions” from higher command!
  2. How many general officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’ll just delegate the task to the lower ranks and take credit for the illumination!
  3. Why did the general bring a megaphone to the battlefield? To make sure his orders were heard over the sound of his own rank!
  4. How does a general take his coffee? With a “bold” strategy and a “decisive” approach to caffeine!
  5. Why did the general bring a ruler to the office? To measure up to his own high standards… and to make sure everyone else does too!
  6. How does a general motivate his troops? With a combination of inspiring speeches, medals, and the occasional threat of being “voluntold” for extra duties!
  7. Why was the general always carrying a clipboard? Because he heard it gave him “authority”!
  8. How does a general handle complaints? By telling the soldiers to “embrace the suck” and then reminding them that it could always be worse!
  9. Why did the general bring a map to the briefing? To navigate through all the “directions” from higher command!
  10. How does a general lead from the front? By setting the example, making tough decisions, and occasionally getting caught up in his own strategic brilliance!

Conclusion

In conclusion, humor has long been a valuable tool in the military, serving to alleviate stress, build camaraderie, and foster resilience among troops and leaders alike. The top 25 army leadership jokes presented here offer a lighthearted glimpse into the unique culture of military leadership, showcasing the wit and creativity that often accompany the challenges of command.

From poking fun at rank and protocol to finding humor in the rigors of training and deployment, these jokes celebrate the resilience, resourcefulness, and camaraderie that define military leadership. As leaders navigate the complexities of their roles, they can take comfort in the power of laughter to forge bonds, inspire confidence, and lighten the load in even the most demanding of circumstances.

What about you? What are your favorite Army Leadership Jokes? Leave a comment below to let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
chuck holmes







Chuck Holmes
Former Army Major (resigned)
Publisher, Part-Time-Commander.com
Email: mrchuckholmes@gmail.com

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